The " H U N T "

If you are an artist or a crafter, I think you know what I mean by the HUNT. It's the collecting of things...sometimes tiny, almost minuscule things. But I KNOW it will be **perfect** and so I buy it. Or pick it up off of the ground, or tear it out of an old book.  It gets added to the collection.

It may end up on my wall-mounted type trays or in a drawer or a box...but eventually I will use it. It may be large and take up a fair amount of space. But not usually. I find IT at garage sales, flea markets, the big-box craft stores, antique shops, eBay...anywhere and everywhere. Friends and Family give me things they think I might like. Old broken costume jewelry, their grandmother's old spools of sewing thread, one leather glove without it's mate, discarded old school library books.

What ever "IT" is...it is part of the process...hunting and gathering...putting together pieces to make a whole.

So much of my art is about that- putting pieces together. I love the process. I love beginning a new project. I think about it...what colors will I use? Is there a theme? What is the main focus? I marinate the idea in my head turning it over making sure the idea is completely coated. Or sometimes there is no planning and an idea is suddenly and urgently poking at me and I have no choice but to create.

Some might refer to my collection as flotsam and jetsam...junk. Not me...it's my treasure. The found rusted bolt with the very cool numbers on the side, the broken metal medallion, watch parts from the watch my husband donated to the cause, because he 'gets' me, old crystal chandelier parts, a cabinet card image of a child, long since grown and gone, an old seam binding bow with an ancient pressed rose and rusted pin. The stuff of life. Someones memories. Someones past. It's all part of The Story. All these separate pieces brought together to tell The Story.

Usually I am working on more than one project at a time. I have small trays that I use to compartmentalize each project. It's easy to add a tiny treasure to the tray, to see what's there, to move one away and pull one in closer. It's a system that works for me. It's part of the hunting and gathering. I may or may not use all of the items I put in a project tray.

Once a project is finished, I set about carefully putting back that which didn't get used...this time. So IT goes back on the wall,back into the drawer, the box. But I know some day I will use IT.

It's all part of the HUNT and I love it...

What is REAL?

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Do what you love...

Journal page

My dad was a wise man...I remember him often saying, "Do what you love and the money will follow." I often think of that when I have decisions to make or paths to follow. My recent path choice got me to thinking about this saying again...and I chose to do what I love- to make art, in all of it's forms.

I've been enjoying working in my art journal lately. It's a place where I can think and create without judgement or concern...a safe place...we all need our safe places.

Here's to you dad, and thank you for your wise words...

Fiddle + Watercolor = MUD

black eyed susan

watercolor on Fabrino HP

click to enlarge

I usually paint in twos. I am a little impatient when I paint and that tends to work against watercolor painting. Paint needs time to dry. And we've all heard: 'it's as exciting as as watching paint dry'

When I paint in twos- while one is drying, I go to the other painting and work on it. This is usually enough time for the other one to dry. Then I go back to the other. It works for me. Other wise. I start to fiddle. Fiddle + Watercolor = MUD. And mud is bad.

Here is the other small painting I did yesterday. Again, not a masterpiece but I sure enjoyed painting!

what to do, what to do...

I am in one of my art funks. I KNOW this will pass. Every time I and up here, I have a tiny fear that it is permanent. I just spent the week at the beach with family and I didn't do any drawing or painting...so unusual. Now I am home and I have not even unpacked my art supplies I packed for the trip.

Today it occurred to me that this is a great time to re-watch art videos I own. I have several that are wonderful workshop type how-to videos. I always enjoy watching them and it's been a good long while since I've watched them.

Big transition on the home front...my husband has taken early retirement! He is only 56, but he was offered a buyout that was just too good to not take. It was sort of sudden and now he is home full time...hmmm....as much as I love this man, I am feeling a little like "Hey wait a minute- you need to go to work today!"

"Life is what happens while we are making other plans" comes to mind just now...

life is funny like that...

...so I spent the entire day in my studio working on a collage...and this after I posted yesterday that I just couldn't get into making art and was going to take a vacation from art making...amazing how that works...

ha! so much for my art sabbatical...but it FELT DIFFERENT today. I was making this collage for me - for fun. Actually I am making it for a friend, as a surprise. But it's not for sale and so I have no inner dialogue yakking at me saying dumb things like... "will this sell?" or "who would buy this?" or, "hows that marketing coming along?" grrrr...

...I am so over that inner dialogue. It keeps me from making art. It slips away and I get disgusted. Then I decide to leave only to then spend the day making art. Maybe that is part of my process...I need to reach that point of feeling like I fell out of love with art, emotionally walk away from it...only to come running back...And I had so much fun today.

...sounds like a lovers spat if you ask me.

there is an internal shift happening...

Lately I can't seem to get into my studio and paint or make a collage. I think I may be suffering from some burnout regarding my art making. I have made a lot of art over the past few years. There is a part of me that needs to just stop.

A part of it is that I want to make more personal art, more experimental art- not art for sale. But even as I wrote that last sentence, I was nodding my head NO...I just think I need to stop for a time, all together.

And the very interesting thing about all of this...I am unemployed. I have the time. I have complete freedom at this point in my life to do ANYTHING I choose to do. And lately, I am choosing to read, cook, knit, garden, bake. Homey things. Quiet things. Today I took a long walk around the lakes in our town. I then sat on a park bench and took a long sun bath while I listened to a book on tape. Then I took myself to the local diner and had a delicious cup of homemade green pea soup. Before that I cleaned out my refrigerator. After the walk I sat out on my deck under the umbrella and listened to more of my book on tape. Nothing about art. Noting about painting. Nothing about collage. And I had what I would describe as a delightful day.

Maybe being unemployed is part of it. For the last 20 years I have worked as a graphic designer and for the last 10 years I have also been painting, making collages and assemblages. I am TIRED. As much as I love art, it's been my profession for a long long time and I am simply tired.

I don't think I am suffering from some sort of depression. I don't think I am quitting painting. I need to take a vacation. Let it come back to be as it wants to come. I know if I try to force it, the art is terrible.

I love READING about painting. I love looking at other peoples painting and art blogs. I also enjoy reading about painting technique. Perhaps my well is empty and I need to fill it with looking, resting, seeing and enjoying art. But right now, I just don't feel like making art. I hereby give myself permission to go 'on sabbatical' for however time I need to take...and without guilt. I will once again paint paintings, collage and make assemblages. Just not right now.

137 times...

I read an article today in ART Calendar about an illustrator who submitted his book illustrations 137 times...think about that...137 times...I think after 3 or 4 rejections I would of given up. I am in awe of this person...137 times this person was rejected and yet he kept at it. His book was published this year.

There are a ton of lessons in this for me. Recently I have been evaluating my long term art goals- kind of "What do I want to do when I grow up" questions about my art, my art career, my art business- where do I want to go with my art?

Do I want to go gung-ho and really take it places? Do I want to continue with my small business? More fine art, more craft? I have no idea. I know that I am currently not satisfied. I am looking for something more in my art...but I am clueless as to what that something more might be. More painting? More education? More sales? More of what?

All I know is that after reading that this man submitted his work 137 times I felt better. I realized that it is hard work to move ahead in the art world. I often read about the artist wonders who fly up fast and it leaves me feeling less than...or too old, or too lazy or too self sabotaging. The inner critic kicks in big time and the internal dialogue is not pretty.

Reading this helps me to understand that submitting 137 times before one gets published is far more the norm then the fast-rising artists who make it sound so easy. Perhaps it is easy for them. They are the lucky ones. The rest of us- we wonder, have self doubt, question everything and yet those moments of success or the occasional sale keeps us going.

I know that I am very hard on myself. I also tend to focus on what I have not done as opposed to what I have done. I also read that today- to focus on what I have done...what a great idea! When I look at that, I can see progress...growth...the love returns to the artist, not the self doubting. I've posted this picture before on my blog. I posted it now to remind myself that I have had wonderful successes with my art and my art career. One huge affirmation was when Nick Bantock picked my work to be on the cover of a DVD magazine. I was astounded when I heard the news...so much so that a part of me shut off from it...I made this collage ALLOW IT IN. It's been a pattern of mine to distance myself from the positive regarding my art- it's an area I constantly have to work at.

So...the questions becomes...am I willing to submit art 137 times? Yes.

one painting - many images

I painted the first image below and scanned it. Once in photoshop I blew it up in size, pulled out images and applied filters to make completely new images.

One painting ~ many images!

original painting, gauche over acrylic 7" x 7"

Live the life you imagined

I read blogs. I check into my list of favorites every couple of days and catch up. One I read is Tim Holtz. I love his design style and love his products as well. I've been reading it for over a year and just this morning I really SAW it for the first time...On the top of his blog he has "Live the life you imagined" and in the upper left hand corner is a picture of Tim holding a rubber stamp that says "enjoy the journey". For some reason those two phrases really struck me...I've been thinking about them all day.

Live the life you imagined...that is one I was told was very healthy- to dream about the 'perfect' life. Years ago I used to dream about being an artist and living in a condo (as opposed to a house) and being happily married to a life partner. Today that is my life.

Now when I imagine my life...I see a gourmet kitchen, a studio for art making, the ocean near by and growing old with my life partner...The life we imagine is a forever shifting image or imagining...but I am still able to close my eyes and imagine a life. For today I am living the life I imagined. So far so good...

it's the second phrase that's got me thinking (squirming) ..."enjoy the journey"...not so easy at this moment in time. I am in a state of limbo. A month ago I was laid off from my job of 17 years. It's been interesting... I am on unemployment, so the money issue is a non-issue for now. But I realized that I have not exactly been enjoying the journey, even though I was actually thrilled to be laid off. For the last year of my job I was not real keen on commuting and working there anymore. I had given up my management position and had backed out of full-time to opt for part-time work. I was relieved when the lay off happened. I was ready to leave and move on.

But here's the rub...I have no idea what to do now. I am talking long term- big picture - what's next in my life? I have no idea. I feel very scattered. I like not working- I am now officially a 'house wife'. My kids are grown and gone, my husband still works full time. I have my studio and my art. But I don't know where it's going. I still have two nagging questions: 1. What is next? and 2. What do I want to be when I grow up?

I have always struggled with my art and embracing artistic talent. I also have a hard time focusing in on one area of art. I can't seem to do it. I see artists who find their niche and go about building a career with that artistic niche.

Me- I love it all when it comes to art making. I love watercolors. I love to paint and draw. I love the whole creative process of thinking about a picture, arranging it in my head, taking reference photos, making preliminary sketches, and then the final drawing- followed by the wonderful experience of water and paint- and the freedom/challenge that comes with transparent watercolor.

Then there is collage- I love the hunt. I love old paper. To create a collage with paper and gel medium. To do the designing, the planning and to experience the happy accidents of collage- it is such a thrill.

And then there is computer art. I love to draw and design with Photoshop and Illustrator and most recently my new wacom tablet and Painter software. I love the whole concept of computer art. I seem to have a affinity to computers- it all just makes sense to me. I love that I can 'paint' on my computer and not have the fumes and the mess. Computers also allow for great risk taking and experimentation because of the always available 'undo'. With undo I can go to the moon and back.

And then there is assemblage- I love creating 3-D narrative dolls using wood, paper and found objects. Each new doll becomes 'real' (think Velveteen Rabbit real)...and I love to create a new 'being' of sorts with his/her very own personality.

So there is the rub-- I cannot seem to settle into or settle down with any one artistic medium. I love it all...some days it feels fine to rotate around these endeavors. Other days it feels like I am a jack-of-all-trades and a master of none. And so here I am...feeling like I am at a cross roads in my artistic journey and feeling very lost and scattered about it all. That is why I am not enjoying the journey at this moment in time. Is this OK? I wish I knew.

rusty things

What is it about rusty old things that gets me? I love rust, peeling paint, weathered wood...I think it's the history, the story behind the rust and peeling paint. Each tells part of a long story of something that was once shiny, new and cared for.

Yesterday I went to a train museum with my husband. I've never been to a train museum before, so I didn't know what to expect. I was so intrigued by all the old rusty trains that my husband ended up sitting down and waiting for me while I roamed around and took shot after shot of rust...sweet man, he does understand me :) And he is the train buff!

Here are a few pictures I took:










"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." ~ the Velveteen Rabbit

Quote for the day

"The most effective way to do it, is to do it." ~ Emelia Earhart

Isn't THAT the truth!

For many years I wanted to create art but I didn't. Besides the very real obstacle of raising children, most of my lack of art making came from an inner dialogue with myself that told me I needed to do 'more important' things with my time, or some other nonsense chatter in my head. As I got older, I learned to turn off that ridiculous inner dialogue and gave myself permission to make art. Good art, bad art, silly art, not-for-sale-art, for sale art, experimental art, journal art. I made art.

I remember showing some of my art journal artwork to a good friend. He asked me, "what's the point of that art? If you can't sell it, why are you making it?" My old inner dialogue TRIED to kick in...but what a blessing that I realized his comments came from his OWN blocked artist within himself and really had nothing to do with me. He was an amazing artist who had stopped making art for his own reasons. It also helped me to understand that there are safe people and not-so-safe-people when it came to showing my personal art.

It's all a process, part of the journey.

But really, the most effective way to do it, is to do it...